अपने मित्रों को सुनें

Friend: I like when you talk about how characteristics can only be determined in connection to the whole. As everything depends on everything else no matter how distantly related. In some extremely subtle way, the movements I make today may affect you or perhaps your children's children. We are all interconnected in unfathomable ways. I also agree how nothing is a certainty and we, just by observing, become part of the whole and throw off any 'certainty' that another may prescribe.
We learned the scientific methods, the hypothesizing and creating controlled experiments. Well I guess thats full proof....except that when the experiment is performed by different scientists and/or observers; they can and will interpret the data differently as our observations are going to be swayed by relativity based on prior and current conditions of individual lives and unknown conditions outside the 'human perceptive zone'.
Well, its all crazy to me. Instead of fighting it. Instead of challenging the wall. We can accept it as is and then deal accordingly without angst.
I only know half of what I say.

You ask what I'm doing. I am stagnant and want/need to act but finding it very difficult as the veil of delusion weighs heavy, masking what intuition and the heart say. I just need to invest myself in something - anything and get the ball rolling. I know deep down that I want to make a change and I know it starts small and may always be small. We can't aim to save the world, but even in the community would be nice. I need to find a place where I am happy with good people for support. Positive people. and ones aiming for a higher consciousness. I want my work to be aligned this way.
So... quite ungrounded at this point. Wanting to take the next step b/c nothing feels quite right.
Miss you. Always share with me.
I hope to be here when you visit. I say hope b/c at this point I could be anywhere. A firmer possibility is in Vermont doing some volunteer work at a buddhist center.
Anyway, as I say I am not sure of many things so we'll see but a hike to tripod rock sounds nice.
talk soon. plll
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Me:
Is happiness the goal? Explore that.
I feel you about wanting/needing to do something, especially while
everyone in NJ seems to be running...somewhere.
But WHAT is it that we are to do? When it is not clear, I often get that anxious feeling but then I breathe, rest, pray, and listen. I give thanks for all that I have and pray that I will be given the
opportunity to give back...I know it will arrive, I must remain patient. Both of us are guided (everyone is, we just listen more closely) and realize that all of our actions have effects that are for a greater purpose, MUCH greater than to appease our immediate and current reactions. We simply must live with focus, love, patience and faith because you and me both know that all things will merge eventually.
So I sit in an office and often wonder whether I could be more useful elsewhere. Is it pointless, inefficient? Is is a waste of time to be confined in a metaphorical, but simultaneously, a literal cube? I've been reviewing this for months (and I'm pretty sure my 'staying' is not fear based)...but yet, I am still here! It is still my action. I currently don't perceive that it should be otherwise. Perhaps that will change after India, perhaps not, but if there was another task for me to do, I know it would be clear that I do it, for now.

I listen, I get the 'tasks' done, I give thanks, and I pray...at the office, I meditate, and research and write, and daydream. It is all expansion, I am on a path to an ultimate being, for purity, depth, truth and love and I have faith at some point I will know when it's time to move.

The illusion of control, that we need to 'figure it out' Ha! stop! just fucking stop. ALL of it, we hardly ever stop and sit. Whenever the path is frustrating and doesn't seem to be unfolding how we imagine, stop, relax and LET it unfold, beautiful results will occur. Miss a deadline? So what. Lose a loved one? So what. Late to an expensive show? So fucking what, celebrate the process! Explore WHY the frustration is there. THAT exploration is the purpose, b/c otherwise we would just be IN IT, in the flow, one with all. But this discomfort always triggers us to believe that things should be different, that we need to make changes...no. We just need to celebrate and learn, and we can do this by listening..but oh how it stings so sharply sometimes.

ok, thats enough, babbling as usual. a literal fool. thank you for
helping me in this catharsis as I preach to myself ;)
leggo the ego.
malama pono
aloha no